Laying almost next to me
He couldn’t be further away.
I feel the loneliness and my stomach digests the heartache,
He is always there, so close, but never close enough.
It’s empty and it’s nothing, but it’s everything I cannot speak…this silence.
What the hell were you thinking?
What could have possibly possessed you?
Do you think you’re infallible? Invincible? Immune to consequence?
What makes you believe this is OK?
Are you so deluded you’ve convinced yourself you’re above being human?
Over which underworld gate do you preside, exactly?
Or are you so high up on that horse of yours that you’ve forgotten whence you came?
Do you have any conscience?
Do you feel remorse? Pain? Anything?
Of course you don’t, you were never really there.
I cannot end the illusion
Because the reality scares me more than I care to admit.
Fighting anger and this drifting existence,
It seems easier than being happy.
Stewing in week old clothes and eating liquorice for breakfast,
because I just don’t care anymore.
The dog sprawled beside me, sad brown eyes begging for at least a smile…
I don’t know if it’s him or me in more dire need of bathing,
And the truth is, it stopped mattering the second the thought began.
I have responsibilities,
The automaton in me allots empty minutes to these,
Leaving pained questions and lonely tears that shred even deeper into my core.
I can’t wake up and I can’t even sleep…
I’ve forgotten how to climb out from this.
Can someone tells me where you are when you sink past rock bottom?